When I look in your eyes

I remember the first time I saw her. From a distance, I could tell that she was a very beautiful lady.

For me, beauty was a face. Nothing about the body build. A smile and, of course, a good conversation.

The closer she came, the happier I felt. Our hands touched. They were soft, but I imagined electric. Her smile had a sweepingly contagious effect on me.

Then our eyes met.

Her amber eyes got me fixated for a minute. Not many people have eyes that colour. They were quite pretty to look at. Was that it?

Is there more to staring people in the eyes? Is it about the eye colours or how delicate they look? What are we looking for here?

I’m lost and unsure what to do. The more I think about it, the more confusing it gets.

I will explain. Please give me a moment.

The most loving and impactful relationship I have been in has been with a girl whose eyes were bloodshot. She had dark brown eyes and a hoarse voice.

Yet, no one has loved me like her. Looking in each other’s eyes was not a thing we did. Neither of us fancied it. But our love was strong.

They say that the eyes are the gateway to the soul. But I don’t quite agree. Because after two decades as an adult and hundreds of thousands of eye-locking episodes with all kinds of people, I’m not sure what I found.

Is there a class I missed? Or is the experience similar for most people? When you look in a loved one’s eyes, what do you see?

I often wonder if I have some disability. Think of something like colour blindness, but in this case, I just don’t see love in the eyes.

Is it all a metaphor? Something we need to decipher or infer based on our levels of experience, loving and being loved.

I know for certain that the eyes can communicate some emotions. Trained persons can tell a psychopath apart from a politician. They might even be able to tell when someone is in love or filled with hatred and murderous intent.

But that skill does not come factory-fitted. So, I look to nature for help.

Then it dawns on me that not all species can see with both eyes facing forward. Fishes, goats and cattle, and a host of species can see out of either eye simultaneously. Sounds stressful.

Humans, other primates and some mammals like cats and dogs have forward-facing eyes and might be able to look into each other’s eyes. Do they also see love in each other’s eyes? I don’t know. Do you?

Maybe ‘all eyes are equal, but some eyes are more equal than others.’

Maybe it’s more about the feelings people share than about the physical act of looking into each other’s eyes. When I already feel like loving you, will I find love in your eyes?

What if the other person does not feel love for me? Will I still see it? What about cheating partners or gold-diggers and all the other arranged, transactional and conditional relationships?

A girl is deeply in love with a partner who cheated on her for a decade. She would vouch that he was the most faithful partner. She has no idea yet. She still stares at him the way one would a beloved kitten.

What of the blind and the visually impaired?

Anyway, I think it might just be the feelings we project when we look at each other. Maybe it’s just eyeballs we stare at and somehow make up the way we want to feel.

Tonight, I want to put this to the test once more.

I have a date tonight. I don’t know if she’s the one. But I’ve had a quick nap to rest my eyes. I want to be relaxed when I try this again.

I will say the right things. Be the gentleman and hope she likes that. I will hold the emotions in until I finally look in her eyes.