We could never get pregnant, even though we always used condoms.
It is possible to get the wrong results even if you did everything right.
That is a hard lesson I have struggled to understand.
Yet, despite how I felt about it, it remained manifest.
Not only in my life.
Actually, everyone has had the experience.
It feels sad.
Growing up, up until my university days, the narrative was simple.
If you did A, you will get B.
Based on that principle, life was easy.
Study hard, get good grades, and you will get a fantastic job.
Be a good child, respect your parents, do house chores and Santa Claus will bring you presents at Christmas.
Grow up, find a princess, help her out of a precarious situation, marry her and live happily ever after.
I figure you are conversant with the storyline.
They probably sold you the same stories and assurances.
And like me, it’s possible that you believed all.
Maybe even fashioned your life to align with the requirements set before you.
I did everything I was told. I kept the rules and had my hands out waiting for my reward.
Nothing. Silence. Emptiness.
The reward hasn’t arrived yet.
It was a little late when I started asking myself questions.
Am I adequate?
Is something wrong with me?
The more I learned, the more I realised that my learning as I grew up was tied to morality.
The sense of wrong and right, good and evil, light and darkness.
It had nothing to do with how the world actually works.
Corporations and governments do not form policies on the basis of morality. They may pretend to, but actually never do.
Morality is the convenient excuse that powerful people fall back on to strengthen their stranglehold on the people.
Ask a certain coloniser why they invaded a diamond-rich nation. They might claim to “bring them the gospel” or “to bring them education”? So, why are you fighting for land and stealing their diamonds? Diamonds need neither education nor the gospel.
I’m sure you see my predicament once upon a time.
One cannot be mistaken if their actions are predicated on lies and wrong education.
My entire education and outlook on life are based on falsehood.
The world, it turns out, is a jungle where dog eats dog and the cruellest survive.
It was never about right and wrong.
My many failures and mediocre outcomes were tied to being cool. Letting things be and hoping that everything falls into place.
Those who lived their best, unrepressive lives were seen as loud and uncultured.
We were taught to be unproductive.
Yes, barren.
We were educated to be meek, patient, and wait for the right time.
Then put on our premium condoms and set to the task of procreation.
Stop waiting.
Loose you restrains.
Think again, your education may be the problem.
Begin again.
Re-educate yourself.
No one can do this for you. It’s a path you have to walk on your own.
