Impostor Syndrome almost ruined my life | How I learned to believe in myself again.

In January 2020, I decided to publish my first book.

Several life-changing events took place that made me want to do it.

It was a collection of poems I wrote over fifteen years. The poems were not the only things I had written.

It was like dipping your toes into the water to see how cold it was before jumping in.

Would anyone find my writing interesting?

I do not consider myself a poet by any standards, but I have my moments.

In all the time that I wrote poetry, I had only ever shared some of it with one person, a girl I used to date. The very first one. She encouraged me to publish them someday, but I never quite took that seriously.

I was a lost creative.

I wanted to create content, but I was too scared to be seen.

I found the courage to seize the occasion and be the hero of my own story.

I got on Amazon Kindle to self-publish my first book.

A while later, I pulled it down.

So if you thought that I had won over my fears, well, you’d be wrong.

Like an addict, I crawled back to my addiction and swore to forget all about my past assumptions. I was no good afterall.

What was I thinking?

Truth be told, it felt relieving not to have any publications people could find.

Sick right? I know.

At the time, though I didn’t know this, I was suffering heavily from impostor syndrome.

If you don’t know what that is, no worries, I didn’t know it had a name till a few years ago. I only knew the feeling.

Impostor Syndrome is that feeling of inadequacy that makes you feel like you don’t belong with your accomplishments.

I may be sitting in a room with colleagues, some of whom look up to me and still feel that I did not merit being in that space.

It made me downplay my own abilities and accomplishments. I did not feel that I was deserving of sharing my story, being a YouTuber or even publishing a story.

What would I say? Who would be interested? These were my conditions up until 2020, when I decided to share some of my hidden works with the world.

For the time I had my book online, I never made a post about it anywhere online or offline.

The syndrome was not only affecting me in my struggles to create and share my content, but it was also affecting every area of my life.

Like cancer, it was spreading to my work, my family and everywhere else. I eventually realised that it was a thing because I came across random write-ups about impostor syndrome. I knew I had to do something about it, and I did.

So in January 2023, after about 3 years, I got my book back online. Not just one Poetry book, but many more. Everything I have ever written was released within the year, and I have continued to publish afterwards.

I refused to let impostor syndrome stop me.

I feel like I belong wherever I can reach. Life has got me this far, and I deserve to be here.

I feared that people might not like my writing.

But you see, the books that survive in history may not always be the best-written ones. They may just be the ones that got written at all.

So, I am sharing this story because many people like me struggle with impostor syndrome.

If you ever come across this piece, know that you are not alone.

My strategy is quite simple.

Identify the one thing that scares me.

Then do it!

You. What has held you back this entire time?

Stand your ground. Stare it in the face and choose yourself over your fear.

Ready?